Synonymia

I was scrubbing a client’s shiny metal teeth with a scouring pad, when I suddenly went light headed and had to sit down with my head between my knees. With my eyes closed I heard a disembodied voice saying “Greetings, friend!” I opened my eyes and looked up to find myself in a round white room with a high ceiling. Puzzled, I looked to see who had spoken and found I shared the room with a very tall man wearing a long red cape. He gave me a wave and drenched me with a flood of sea water.

“Where did that come from?” I gasped.

The man laughed. “I take it you’re not from around here. You’d better go downstairs and talk to the mayor.” He pointed towards the staircase, which I noticed was covered with soft white feathers.

An old man in a smart white suit sat behind a desk at the bottom of the stairs. He smiled warmly and I found myself sweating as if somebody had just turned the heating up.

“Welcome to Synonymia,” said the man, gesturing for me to go over to him. “What is your business?”

“I am a dentist for robots,” I told him. “I clean their teeth. Sometimes I do basic software installation.”

“Well, that sounds like something we could use around these parts. Our robots are always complaining about swollen gums. I’m going to make you an honorary citizen.”

“But I don’t belong here,” I explained, “I arrived here by accident and I don’t know how to get home!”

“Nonsense! Our fine town is far better than anywhere you could have come from. I promise you, we get millions of visitors each year and they’re always very disappointed to leave. If they knew I’d just offered you citizenship, they’d be green with envy.”

As he said this, a young couple came down the stairs and, on hearing what the mayor was saying, their skin turned the colour of leaves. They looked at each other sadly, shrugged and walked out of the front door. This place was starting to feel strange to me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. As that thought crossed my mind, I found both my hands suddenly seemed unable to touch the desk, as if being repelled by a magnetic field.

Seeing my confusion, the mayor chuckled to himself. “Ah, this place will certainly feel different to what you’re used to. Here, everything takes on every possible meaning of itself. Do you see?”

I shook my head. “Not really.” As the words left my lips, my vision suddenly became cloudy and blurry as if I was surrounded by a fog. Suddenly I realised what was happening.

“I do see,” I blurted, and just like that my eyesight was restored. “So, what you’re saying is, if I was to...” but I couldn’t think of an example.